fridgeninja | PRISMATICA INBOX

I try not to go into too much detail about anyone's conversations. Your secrets are safe with me.

That sounds like you.

[Nibbles a cookie.]

So you're really all-in on the whole sharing thing. Hifumi-san explained it some to me, but I want to know what it's like from your perspective.

Well -

[He stops, not because he feels uncertain, but because it's all so big to put into words.]

There's two sides to it?

I fall for people pretty easily. I've never been embarrassed about that part - everyone's so interesting, and I want to get to know them better, and sometimes with girls or -

[No, he's not ready to say 'some boys' out loud yet. He hasn't said it even to himself. Or the short list of boys he's slept with.]

It feels really natural to let it go further. If there's a way to let myself do that, without tricking anyone, or hurting them - then, that feels right to me. Better than closing people out. Making a choice that hurts someone - that might even hurt me, if it keeps me from being close with someone I care about.

[The next part is harder. Maybe in part because some of it he doesn't really think about in so many words, to keep himself from hurting about it.]

When I started dating in middle school - I was always the transfer student, and sometimes people like that - I was somebody it was easy to confess to. Even though those relationships almost never get very serious or last very long, people are afraid of being rejected, so somebody they don't have a long history with - it's easier not to get scared.

When those girls outgrew me and had the confidence to go after the crushes they had before - I never felt jealous. It was nice to see them go after what they wanted. But... that didn't mean I never felt sad things had to end.

This way... that part might not have to happen as much.

[And even Ai and Ayane fit that pattern, more or less. Souji's used to being training wheels - he likes it, he's good at it. But he doesn't like being outgrown. If those girls could keep him, and still go after who they wanted most...

Is that selfish? Or greedy? He's not sure.]

There are other reasons too, but it just makes sense to me. I don't care about anyone less just because I care about other people.

[She nods as she listens, some of that making more intuitive sense than other things. The first and the last part, mostly. That bit in the middle... gives her a funny feeling in her chest and she can't quite put her finger on why or what it is.]

Mmm. [How does she even address those things he's saying about himself, there? Is it even her place to do so?]

If you keep adding more people onto the list you're going to run out of time to sleep.

[She teases lightly. That's a safer route. Start with that.]

I don't like hearing you talk about yourself like a consolation prize, senpai.

I'm doing my best not to overbook. But... I don't think I've hit my limit yet either.

[He keeps his voice light as he says it. It's certainly true - but he can't deny that he wants her, specifically, to know it.

Right now, when he's still recovering from the consequences of his own careless behavior, isn't the right time to ask her out - he's not even considering that - but he does want her to know that... there's room in his life for her.]

That's not quite how I see myself. But either way, I want to be free to care about more people, and I don't want them to have to choose, either, if they don't want to.

Is that so?

[She doesn't necessarily pick up on the fact that he's specifically telling her the option is there, should she choose to take it, but it is information she's glad to have. Both for selfish reasons, and so that she doesn't worry that Souji's going to overdo it.]

You have a habit of constantly keeping yourself busy. Girlfriends or otherwise.

[How many part-time jobs did he have back home? Anyway.]

Right, like how you said you couldn't choose between us girls back home. You don't want anyone else to feel like that.

[She thinks she understands that, and it's fair.]

With no school and no job, I have more time than I've ever had before. It's almost scary.

[He says it while sounding very content.]

Yes you sound very concerned about it.

[He walked right into that sass, in her defense.]

I like keeping busy.

[Pun unintentional.]

[She smiles behind her hand.]

You would, wouldn't you?

[And slowly returns to something slightly serious.]

Thank you for being honest with me, even if Yosuke-senpai had to kick your butt to do it. I hope you'll keep telling me stuff, so I don't get surprised again. I would rather hear about it if you get a new girlfriend than run into her unexpectedly, you know?

[Yes that means she's planning to move back in.]

I try not to need to learn the same lesson twice. I'll tell you.

[He hesitates for only a moment.]

... I'm going to ask Xion if she'd like to date. She's from a very different world, though, so I might have to explain what dating means, first.

Good enough for me.

[Wait a second. She knows that name...]

Oh yes! I've met her! She's a sweetie. [A beat] How old is she?

[She doesn't wanna accuse you of anything, senpai, but uh...]

That's a surprisingly complicated question, but... sixteen.

Huh.

[She'll take your word for it, on both counts.]

I seriously thought she was like, fourteen.

She was created with someone else's memories, so, it's possible her body hasn't caught up?

It's really complicated.

Ah. Hm.

[What the fuck?]

That sounds complicated. So, fair enough.

She's really cute, though.

... Sorry, is that too much?

Edited 2019-09-16 05:06 (UTC)

I can't disagree. Part of why I mistook her age. That and the fashion choices, really.

[She taps her cheek with a finger.]

I suppose I shouldn't lie. It does make me a little jealous.

I don't know if it makes it better or worse if I say that Xion and I have been seeing a lot of each other for months, and it's Yosuke reminding me to be responsible that made me think it's past time I said something.

[Whether or not her brain translates that to 'shagging like bunnies' or not is beyond his control, but he's trying to be both honest about it and discreet.]

[She can catch the hint there, and it makes her blush a bit.]

Makes it worse. [She says honestly.]

But I'm glad you're gonna be honest with her about it for what that's worth.

It's the right thing to do, even if she decides she'd rather not be more than friends.

[He considers a moment.]

... Would it help to make it up to you if I made some more cookies?

Yes it is.

[She also considers, and finishes another cookie.]

It wouldn't hurt. As long as you won't judge me for getting fat.

[As if she could ever actually gain enough weight to be fat.]

There isn't much I would judge you for.

Do you like gingersnaps?

That makes me feel better, too.

[Chinhands.]

I like everything you make.

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