[He stops, not because he feels uncertain, but because it's all so big to put into words.]
There's two sides to it?
I fall for people pretty easily. I've never been embarrassed about that part - everyone's so interesting, and I want to get to know them better, and sometimes with girls or -
[No, he's not ready to say 'some boys' out loud yet. He hasn't said it even to himself. Or the short list of boys he's slept with.]
It feels really natural to let it go further. If there's a way to let myself do that, without tricking anyone, or hurting them - then, that feels right to me. Better than closing people out. Making a choice that hurts someone - that might even hurt me, if it keeps me from being close with someone I care about.
[The next part is harder. Maybe in part because some of it he doesn't really think about in so many words, to keep himself from hurting about it.]
When I started dating in middle school - I was always the transfer student, and sometimes people like that - I was somebody it was easy to confess to. Even though those relationships almost never get very serious or last very long, people are afraid of being rejected, so somebody they don't have a long history with - it's easier not to get scared.
When those girls outgrew me and had the confidence to go after the crushes they had before - I never felt jealous. It was nice to see them go after what they wanted. But... that didn't mean I never felt sad things had to end.
This way... that part might not have to happen as much.
[And even Ai and Ayane fit that pattern, more or less. Souji's used to being training wheels - he likes it, he's good at it. But he doesn't like being outgrown. If those girls could keep him, and still go after who they wanted most...
Is that selfish? Or greedy? He's not sure.]
There are other reasons too, but it just makes sense to me. I don't care about anyone less just because I care about other people.
no subject
[He stops, not because he feels uncertain, but because it's all so big to put into words.]
There's two sides to it?
I fall for people pretty easily. I've never been embarrassed about that part - everyone's so interesting, and I want to get to know them better, and sometimes with girls or -
[No, he's not ready to say 'some boys' out loud yet. He hasn't said it even to himself. Or the short list of boys he's slept with.]
It feels really natural to let it go further. If there's a way to let myself do that, without tricking anyone, or hurting them - then, that feels right to me. Better than closing people out. Making a choice that hurts someone - that might even hurt me, if it keeps me from being close with someone I care about.
[The next part is harder. Maybe in part because some of it he doesn't really think about in so many words, to keep himself from hurting about it.]
When I started dating in middle school - I was always the transfer student, and sometimes people like that - I was somebody it was easy to confess to. Even though those relationships almost never get very serious or last very long, people are afraid of being rejected, so somebody they don't have a long history with - it's easier not to get scared.
When those girls outgrew me and had the confidence to go after the crushes they had before - I never felt jealous. It was nice to see them go after what they wanted. But... that didn't mean I never felt sad things had to end.
This way... that part might not have to happen as much.
[And even Ai and Ayane fit that pattern, more or less. Souji's used to being training wheels - he likes it, he's good at it. But he doesn't like being outgrown. If those girls could keep him, and still go after who they wanted most...
Is that selfish? Or greedy? He's not sure.]
There are other reasons too, but it just makes sense to me. I don't care about anyone less just because I care about other people.